Fall Mantle - DIY...kind of

I've never been one to decorate for Fall.  I always thought it was weird to decorate for a season commemorated by falling leaves and colder temperatures.  I'm a Halloween girl.  It's my second favorite holiday behind Christmas.

Sunday after Marlow's 206th night in a row of waking at 5:00 am, I needed to get out of the house for a bit by myself.  I just needed to breath and let's be honest I'm not sure there is anything better than a little retail therapy.  These moments make the Hubs a little nervous because 9 times out of 10 that means a SOLO TRIP TO TARGET.

I was in the mood to decorate, so after looking through Pinterest for some Fall, not boring leaves type decor, inspiration, I headed to my favorite place for all fun decorating things - Gordmans.  Not sure if you have one in your city, but they have the most amazing things and for the major cheap.  I bought a wreath (I typically would just make it myself, but for $20 it was worth just buying it already made and it wasn't too "leafy" for me), 4 picture frames, one candle, a candlestick and a pumpkin (the green vase is a part of my non-holiday/seasonal mantle).  Ran to Michaels for some scrapbook paper and a few letters and voila, my Fall mantle...

It makes me feel all warm and cozy, especially with my Baked Apple Pie + Cider Mill combo in my Scentsy burner.

Now I'm just going to need the 85 degree days to come down to about 75.  I shouldn't have to use the AC in late September.

This will tide me over for a few weeks and then I'll get my Halloween on...bought a new rug for that yesterday...at Target...when I was supposed to just be stopping for baby food and wine because it is impossible for me to go into Target and only get what I went in for...there's some super major power force in that place..I lose all sense of shopping control and focus.

Happy Friday people!!!!

We Were Done and Then We Weren't and Then...

When we met we had both just gotten out of long relationships.

When we met we weren't looking for anything permanent.

When we met, at a bar (ahem), we weren't looking for anything more than conversation and a little fun.

When we met, we didn't realize that our first date would lead to so much more.

When we dated, we didn't realize that two years later we would be engaged.

When we got married, we didn't realize we would have children.  Someone was content with being a kidless bachelor for the rest of his life (again, ahem)

When we had one child, we weren't sure we would have another.

And then we did.

And she's amazing and the perfect addition to our family.

We felt content.  We felt whole.

Four is a nice round number.  One kid per parent.  Perfect.

And then the summer came and went (I know technically it's not over, but when the pools close it is to me) and I turned 35 and yesterday my baby started preschool.

And then we started talking.  A conversation that was started by my Husband who as you may recall thought he would be a kidless bachelor the rest of his life.

Maybe one more?

We have goals for ourselves and our family outside of our work.  We want to travel, explore, see new things and do some things for ourselves.  Bask in the glory of life instead of working our life away.

Another child could hinder those goals.  Because kids are expensive and day care is expensive and selfishly, we want to create a life for our two children we have now that will create memories forever.  When you have two full time working parents, one of which works six days a week, family together time is extremely limited. Each and every week of each and every month of each and every year.

Mia asked me Saturday why her Daddy had to work so much.  It's hard to explain to a 3 year old that Daddy runs his own business and therefore is on "duty" all the time.  I told my Husband.  I didn't want to but I knew I needed to.

All of these thoughts and emotions sparked a conversation for beyond two hours last night.

And as selfishly as it may seem, and as wonderful as it would be to bring another blessing into our family, we determined it's time to focus on some of the things we've been striving for in the past ten years of our relationship.

Let's do some things for us.  Let's focus more on our family and spending time together.

Because damn it, we work really hard and deserve to spoil ourselves.

There should be no shame or selfishness in that.

This Place

Today was a very big day for a certain little girl in our family.

I wasn't sad.  I didn't cry.  But I did feel a strange sense in the pit of my stomach last night and this morning as I thought about how we got to this place.

Just shy of four years ago, she made me a Mom and here we are today dropping her off for her first day of Pre-K.

There are moments where I just yearn for some quiet, some alone time, 5 minutes to go pee by myself, maybe a solo trip to Target.

But today I realized, once again, just how very lucky I (we) am (are).



Mia is amazing.  She's smart, social, happy, healthy and FULL of energy.  And her memory....it's outstanding and scary all at the same time.  She remembers so many experiences already.  If there was a way to bottle it up and sell it I would.



This morning my thoughts were on how quickly she's grown into a little girl, how my baby is no longer a baby, how amazed I was that she found her own name tag upon entering her classroom.

I can't believe I have a pre-schooler.  I'm pretty sure someone told me that they stay babies forever. Liars.

I'm so excited to hear all of her stories tonight when I pick her up.

I'm so excited to watch her grow and develop.  The girl could not have been more excited to put that princess backpack on and strut into school this morning and for that I'm elated for her.  I'm impressed by her ability to walk into a new and strange environment and settle right in.

But that pit, that pit is there.  That pit that tells me she's growing up and there is not a darn thing I can do about it.

Kids teach us so much about love, patience and life.  Watching them explore all things for the first time is such a remarkable process to experience.

Life, I tell you, is one interesting journey of emotions after another.

Ok life.  You win.

Let It Be

I'm both amazed and disappointed in man kind almost daily.  

I spend a lot of my time trying to stay centered and focused on myself and those closest too me. 

Sometimes I get frustrated that karma doesn't work a little faster.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm on the right path.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the best wife, mother, sister and daughter that I can be.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how much has changed in the last 8 years of my life.

Sometimes I want to pinch myself when I sit back and reflect on just how lucky I am.

Sometimes I pinch myself because I can't believe I actually have two kids...and a husband.

Sometimes I try to convince myself that I don't have to have control of every situation.

Sometimes I just have to remind myself that this is my life.

My one shot.

via

Are We?

We've officially decided (well 99.99999%) that we are done having children.  I'm 35 and the Hubs turns 42 in October.  We don't want to be attending their college graduations with our walkers or scooters.

Yesterday, my youngest sister picked up the bassinet to take back to her house and they have babies on the brain this year (yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay for more nieces, or maybe a nephew?)

My Hubs looked at me yesterday after I told him she had picked up the bassinet and the first words out of this mouth? "So I guess we really are done huh?"

Wow.

It's a very weird and emotional feeling to know you may be done having children.

The feeling that you have closed that chapter of your life.

To know that I will never experience the amazing journey of pregnancy again.

I'm trying to do my best with soaking up all of Marlow's "babiness," her smell, her coos, her milestones, knowing that it will likely be the last baby I have.

Life is fast.  We've all said it a million times, but once you have kids it goes so much faster.

I need to read this every day.  In the chaos of our routine most days, this is such a good reminder that today is the only day they will be just like they are today.  Tomorrow they will be different.

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Not A Real Problem, But I'm Venting Anyway

I have a major problem and I just need to vent.

Well it's not a real problem necessarily, but I'm struggling with something.

I cannot find the time to work out AND it's driving me insane.

Mind you, Mia has had swimming lessons this week and last and we haven't even settled in for the evening until almost 9:00 and by then I'm completely spent.

I'm even starting to think about getting up at 5:00 am just so I can get in a real workout.

I need to sweat.  I want to lift weights.  I want to do BodyPump and Yoga.  I don't just want to go for a walk.  I'm not much of a runner, but that may be an option just to get up and out the door and moving in the morning.  Maybe I'll try that??

I'm 35 and there is no doubt that this baby weight will be the hardest to lose.  I was younger with Mia and let's be honest, one newborn is way easier than a toddler and a bitty baby and getting to the gym with her just wasn't much of a challenge.

I was good with the 30 day shred about 6 weeks after Marlow was born, but then I went back to work and things got insane with our schedule.  Things are starting to feel settled and I am quickly getting frustrated with myself as I continue to have excuse after excuse as to why I haven't started back up yet.

How do you fit it in?  How often do you go?

I need to get over my expectation that I'll be able to go 4-5 times a week like the "old days."

I'd be good with 2-3 days.

Swimming is over Thursday.

My goal is to start something by next Monday.

Wish me luck.

BABY WEIGHT BE GONE!!!!

Let's Go Girls

There is no question Mia is and will continue to be an extrovert.  Hubs and I are too and it's great on so many levels.  I love that she will strike up a conversation with just about anyone, especially other kids.  She has little fear.  She loves people and bonds with other girls (because she doesn't like boys, including boy singers just so we're all on the same page) quickly.

This year we decided to officially get her in her first activity.  I've always sworn that I will never have my children in 5 activities a week where I am running them and me around in a bazillion circles during the week and the weekend.  We're trying one thing at a time.  Her first choice was dance.  Girl has been shaking it since she's been able to sit up.  She's always loved music.  It was a perfect fit.

I was a dance mom.  I even volunteered to be room mom.  Who am I????  We luckily had a class full of adorable, happy girls and only one crazy mom. She had a great year.   Even at one point told me she was bored of dance and was ready to move onto gin-nastics. For her age group, I understood their need for consistency but for Mia outside of being able to see ELEANOR and  RILEY (OMG MOM!!!! Each week she was so excited to see them, planning their visit, drawing them pictures, bringing them stickers, me reminding her this was not social hour) it was getting old quick.

Then came recital prep.  I wish you all could have been at watch week when her teacher spent 30 minutes talking about their hair and makeup just so you could have seen my Husband. Melissa, they're 3.  Red lipstick, eye shadow?  Trophies? T-shirts? Sorry honey.  Welcome to the world of daughters.

Mia was so excited.  Over the moon about her fancy outfit, her makeup, her spiral curls.

The day came and she did AMAZING.  They had tap and ballet, so we had the extreme pleasure of two performances. You know when you laugh so hard you have permasmile and your jaws and cheeks hurt?  That was the tap performance.  She was even chosen by her teacher to hand her flowers on stage at the end of the show.  Pretty cool honor for a three year old.  Even then, she was on stage shakin' it with her teacher.

I'm so happy she had such a wonderful experience.  I'm a little sad she's over it, but I'm excited for her to move on to the next thing.

Dance is now over.  But she still grabs the iPad for a little Taylor Swift (Trouble, Trouble, Trouble, ooooooooooo) almost nightly and her new thing before she starts?  Her announcement that she is getting ready to bring it?  LET'S GO GIRLS! Where in the heck does she come up with this stuff?

I love her energy and the light in her eyes.  Watching her learn and grow all of these new things daily is an amazing thing to watch.  I often find myself just sitting back and trying to take it all in.  This journey.  This life.  Her toddler days are short lived.  Each day goes back quicker than the last.

Another first in the books.

I swear she's going to be 13 the next time I blink.