Brudders and Stuff

Mia's has officially become obsessed with her baby sister.

"I love our baby."

"I love my sister."

"She's sooooo cute Mom."

Cup runneth over like whoa.

Her new thing, however, is that she feels that because we have given her a sister, she would also now like a brother, actually a brudder to be exact.

It's cute, yes.

But first of all, I'm one of three girls, my sister has two girls and my sister in law has two girls.  The whole weenie thing doesn't seem to happen in my family.

Annnnnndddddddd....we've been officially official on the two kids and done thing for a while now.

They're awesome and sweet, but they don't sleep very late and I haven't slept in years and I'm tired and kids are expensive and our routine is nuts as it is.

So as much as I would like to give Mia another gift of a sibling, she'll just have to hang on for her next cousin.

Happy Turkey Week!

Fall Funk, Say What

Is it the weather or what is my deal lately?

I'm in a funk with work and everything in between.

Is it a 35 thing?

Is this normal?

I need to join a gym.

I need to be better about doing something for ME.

I feel like I'm losing a little bit of me each day as I'm taking care of everyone else.

I need a vacation.

I need to sleep past 5:30 am.

Sunday morning and the sun was not even up yet.

It may be the looming change in the time of the sunset and the sunrise.  Leaving at dark and getting home at dark puts a damper on the energy, motivation and happiness levels.

It's a new month, so that's helpful.

I feel like the constant go, go, go of the everyday is aging me quickly.

Days and weeks and months keep getting shorter.

Marlow is already 6 months old.  I mean how did that happen?

I'm exhausted most days and haven't been the greatest mom and wife in the evenings.

I feel like I'm pulled in 8,000 different directions from 5:30 am - 8:30 pm most days.

That, my friends, is exhausting day in and day out.

Being a Mom is hard work.

I've had a massage gift certificate since my birthday in June and I still haven't taken the time to go.  It's one hour.

We've made it a point to be better about weekend/family time and that makes me happy and always gives me something to look forward to.

Hubs has been better about working shorter Saturdays or taking off altogether if he can, so we actually feel like we have a weekend instead of one day.

Just feeling a bit like our balance is off or maybe it's just my balance throwing everything off?

It's up to ME to change it because Moms can fix everything, right?

We Were Done and Then We Weren't and Then...

When we met we had both just gotten out of long relationships.

When we met we weren't looking for anything permanent.

When we met, at a bar (ahem), we weren't looking for anything more than conversation and a little fun.

When we met, we didn't realize that our first date would lead to so much more.

When we dated, we didn't realize that two years later we would be engaged.

When we got married, we didn't realize we would have children.  Someone was content with being a kidless bachelor for the rest of his life (again, ahem)

When we had one child, we weren't sure we would have another.

And then we did.

And she's amazing and the perfect addition to our family.

We felt content.  We felt whole.

Four is a nice round number.  One kid per parent.  Perfect.

And then the summer came and went (I know technically it's not over, but when the pools close it is to me) and I turned 35 and yesterday my baby started preschool.

And then we started talking.  A conversation that was started by my Husband who as you may recall thought he would be a kidless bachelor the rest of his life.

Maybe one more?

We have goals for ourselves and our family outside of our work.  We want to travel, explore, see new things and do some things for ourselves.  Bask in the glory of life instead of working our life away.

Another child could hinder those goals.  Because kids are expensive and day care is expensive and selfishly, we want to create a life for our two children we have now that will create memories forever.  When you have two full time working parents, one of which works six days a week, family together time is extremely limited. Each and every week of each and every month of each and every year.

Mia asked me Saturday why her Daddy had to work so much.  It's hard to explain to a 3 year old that Daddy runs his own business and therefore is on "duty" all the time.  I told my Husband.  I didn't want to but I knew I needed to.

All of these thoughts and emotions sparked a conversation for beyond two hours last night.

And as selfishly as it may seem, and as wonderful as it would be to bring another blessing into our family, we determined it's time to focus on some of the things we've been striving for in the past ten years of our relationship.

Let's do some things for us.  Let's focus more on our family and spending time together.

Because damn it, we work really hard and deserve to spoil ourselves.

There should be no shame or selfishness in that.

This Place

Today was a very big day for a certain little girl in our family.

I wasn't sad.  I didn't cry.  But I did feel a strange sense in the pit of my stomach last night and this morning as I thought about how we got to this place.

Just shy of four years ago, she made me a Mom and here we are today dropping her off for her first day of Pre-K.

There are moments where I just yearn for some quiet, some alone time, 5 minutes to go pee by myself, maybe a solo trip to Target.

But today I realized, once again, just how very lucky I (we) am (are).



Mia is amazing.  She's smart, social, happy, healthy and FULL of energy.  And her memory....it's outstanding and scary all at the same time.  She remembers so many experiences already.  If there was a way to bottle it up and sell it I would.



This morning my thoughts were on how quickly she's grown into a little girl, how my baby is no longer a baby, how amazed I was that she found her own name tag upon entering her classroom.

I can't believe I have a pre-schooler.  I'm pretty sure someone told me that they stay babies forever. Liars.

I'm so excited to hear all of her stories tonight when I pick her up.

I'm so excited to watch her grow and develop.  The girl could not have been more excited to put that princess backpack on and strut into school this morning and for that I'm elated for her.  I'm impressed by her ability to walk into a new and strange environment and settle right in.

But that pit, that pit is there.  That pit that tells me she's growing up and there is not a darn thing I can do about it.

Kids teach us so much about love, patience and life.  Watching them explore all things for the first time is such a remarkable process to experience.

Life, I tell you, is one interesting journey of emotions after another.

Ok life.  You win.

Let It Be

I'm both amazed and disappointed in man kind almost daily.  

I spend a lot of my time trying to stay centered and focused on myself and those closest too me. 

Sometimes I get frustrated that karma doesn't work a little faster.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm on the right path.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the best wife, mother, sister and daughter that I can be.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how much has changed in the last 8 years of my life.

Sometimes I want to pinch myself when I sit back and reflect on just how lucky I am.

Sometimes I pinch myself because I can't believe I actually have two kids...and a husband.

Sometimes I try to convince myself that I don't have to have control of every situation.

Sometimes I just have to remind myself that this is my life.

My one shot.

via

Are We?

We've officially decided (well 99.99999%) that we are done having children.  I'm 35 and the Hubs turns 42 in October.  We don't want to be attending their college graduations with our walkers or scooters.

Yesterday, my youngest sister picked up the bassinet to take back to her house and they have babies on the brain this year (yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay for more nieces, or maybe a nephew?)

My Hubs looked at me yesterday after I told him she had picked up the bassinet and the first words out of this mouth? "So I guess we really are done huh?"

Wow.

It's a very weird and emotional feeling to know you may be done having children.

The feeling that you have closed that chapter of your life.

To know that I will never experience the amazing journey of pregnancy again.

I'm trying to do my best with soaking up all of Marlow's "babiness," her smell, her coos, her milestones, knowing that it will likely be the last baby I have.

Life is fast.  We've all said it a million times, but once you have kids it goes so much faster.

I need to read this every day.  In the chaos of our routine most days, this is such a good reminder that today is the only day they will be just like they are today.  Tomorrow they will be different.

via

Let's Go Girls

There is no question Mia is and will continue to be an extrovert.  Hubs and I are too and it's great on so many levels.  I love that she will strike up a conversation with just about anyone, especially other kids.  She has little fear.  She loves people and bonds with other girls (because she doesn't like boys, including boy singers just so we're all on the same page) quickly.

This year we decided to officially get her in her first activity.  I've always sworn that I will never have my children in 5 activities a week where I am running them and me around in a bazillion circles during the week and the weekend.  We're trying one thing at a time.  Her first choice was dance.  Girl has been shaking it since she's been able to sit up.  She's always loved music.  It was a perfect fit.

I was a dance mom.  I even volunteered to be room mom.  Who am I????  We luckily had a class full of adorable, happy girls and only one crazy mom. She had a great year.   Even at one point told me she was bored of dance and was ready to move onto gin-nastics. For her age group, I understood their need for consistency but for Mia outside of being able to see ELEANOR and  RILEY (OMG MOM!!!! Each week she was so excited to see them, planning their visit, drawing them pictures, bringing them stickers, me reminding her this was not social hour) it was getting old quick.

Then came recital prep.  I wish you all could have been at watch week when her teacher spent 30 minutes talking about their hair and makeup just so you could have seen my Husband. Melissa, they're 3.  Red lipstick, eye shadow?  Trophies? T-shirts? Sorry honey.  Welcome to the world of daughters.

Mia was so excited.  Over the moon about her fancy outfit, her makeup, her spiral curls.

The day came and she did AMAZING.  They had tap and ballet, so we had the extreme pleasure of two performances. You know when you laugh so hard you have permasmile and your jaws and cheeks hurt?  That was the tap performance.  She was even chosen by her teacher to hand her flowers on stage at the end of the show.  Pretty cool honor for a three year old.  Even then, she was on stage shakin' it with her teacher.

I'm so happy she had such a wonderful experience.  I'm a little sad she's over it, but I'm excited for her to move on to the next thing.

Dance is now over.  But she still grabs the iPad for a little Taylor Swift (Trouble, Trouble, Trouble, ooooooooooo) almost nightly and her new thing before she starts?  Her announcement that she is getting ready to bring it?  LET'S GO GIRLS! Where in the heck does she come up with this stuff?

I love her energy and the light in her eyes.  Watching her learn and grow all of these new things daily is an amazing thing to watch.  I often find myself just sitting back and trying to take it all in.  This journey.  This life.  Her toddler days are short lived.  Each day goes back quicker than the last.

Another first in the books.

I swear she's going to be 13 the next time I blink.

Dr. Google

So after the weirdness that was Sunday and Monday, I googled early signs of labor to death yesterday.  You don't just have an emotional and hormonal breakdown at 37 weeks pregnant for no reason right. Right?

I've convinced myself that yes indeed I am well on my way.

Am I really?  Who knows?  It's right up there with convincing yourself that you're pregnant based on every website and everyone else's symptoms (OMG, me too!!)

Regardless I have two weeks left, max.  This is a whole new ball game for me since I didn't experience these symptoms with Mia.  I had blood pressure issues and that was my primary focus throughout the end of my pregnancy with her.

Either way I'm content.  I'm as ready as I'll be.  I've come to terms with that.  Mia will be just fine.

Do I have the matching Big Sis/Lil Sis shirts, not yet.  Do I have Mia's gift from her sister, nope, not yet.  Do I have all my new comfies I ordered during Old Navy's sale last week.  Nope. (but they've shipped...bonus).

Did I document this pregnancy as I had envisioned?  No, definitely not.

But do I feel like I've done a pretty damn good job with my first born up to this point?  Do I feel like I can handle this Mom of Two thing.  Absolutely.

We, as women, as mothers, are often quick to judge others, but most importantly ourselves.  There is no script.  There is no magic formula.  All there is us.  Our support system.  Our friends and our families.

I've said it a million times and likely I'll say it a million more.  Am I perfect?  No.  Do I know what I'm doing each and every day?  No.  Do I sometimes feel like I'm doing it all wrong?  Without a doubt.  Does my daughter feel loved each and every single day?  You bet. But do I do the best that I can each and every (well, let's be honest almost every) day.  Yes.

That's all I can ask of myself.

Happy Hump Day!

Well At Least I Can Drink Through The Teenage Years

You know when everyone tells you, especially when you ask, that 3 is tougher than 2?  Well Miss Mia proved that this past week. She tested the waters, she tested my patience and I officially broke as a Mother and as a Wife.

I tried to stay strong and hold my ground, but where I feel like I somewhat failed last week I also feel a small sense of success as well.

Baby steps through parenthood right?

Last week was rough and I will not even attempt to sugar coat that.

You know when you come home to your wife crying in one corner and your 3 year old crying in the other?  Yep.  That happened.

Friday night was one of the hardest parenting moments I have ever experienced thus far.

For the most part Mia is a very well behaved child.  We don't have to use time out very often.  We pick and choose, as her parents, what we make a big deal and what we do not.  However effective last Monday at 1:57 am, it literally is like someone told her, "hey kid...you're 3, now you can start acting like an uncontrollable spoiled brat."  That is how it felt anyway.  The whining and moaning if she does not get her way had reached a level of insanity.

Friday night while we were waiting for my Husband to come home, Mia wanted to once again help with dinner.  On the menu?  Spaghetti, at her request.  I allow her to help very little with dinner when it involves the stove, but she was obsessed with stirring the noodles and when I told her no for the 14th time (only 2nd, but it felt like 14 ok?) she pushed me.  Not once, but twice and Momma don't play that.  No ma'm.  And off to time out she went.  However she was not having it.  She was going to sit in time out and ball and cry and yell for me (like repeat Momma, Momma, Momma the entire time) for 30 minutes.  AND I AM NOT EXAGGERATING ONE SINGLE BIT.  I made several attempts to explain to her that she needed to be quiet and sit in quiet for 3 minutes. Nope that was not going to happen.  She was going to push until she made me crack.

I call the Hubs and gave him a warning about the mental status of both other family members and what he was getting ready to walk into.  Happy Friday!

I spent Friday night alone.  In my room. With the door locked. Crying into my pillow and a kleenex for most of it.  I came downstairs only a few times for snacks (still very pregnant and hungry even if I'm an emotional basket case).  Mia begged me to let her come lay with me and I knew that I had to say no.  Stand my ground and make her understand that she hurt Mommy's feelings with her behavior.

I didn't even say goodnight to her on Friday.  Just rip my heart out why don't you.

I am a communicator.  I don't like to go to bed angry.  I'm a strong believer in making up before bedtime and talking through things such as this, but with her, at this age, I thought it was better to give it more time.  Was I right?  Who knows.  My Husband agreed.  We're trying damnit.

After I knew she was asleep, I went in and kissed her forehead.  Not just once, but a few times.

I got a decent night's sleep and woke up Saturday feeling better, but still not great.  She had her first dance class and parent's could watch and I cried when she did her gallop alone across the dance floor.  Yes.  I was THAT Mom.

We had a good day both Saturday and Sunday and by yesterday I was feeling much, much better.  We had a few minor incidents, but we were able to talk her through them and avoid any massive tantrums and no time outs!

Today feels good.  I feel normal today.  I don't think I will even cry today.

Hallelujah!

Building a baby is tough work.  Building a baby and managing a toddler is no walk in the park.

As I told my Husband, at least I will be able to drink during the teenage years.  That is VERY good news for him.

Have a great week!

Mom Fail?

Mia's not feeling well and she turns 3 on Monday which means her birthday party is this Saturday.  Because of course.

When we put her to bed last night she had a low grade fever and had the chills.

I could go on and on about how lucky we have been with her.  She's rarely been sick outside of a few minor colds and one fever in her 3 years of life.

I had an early morning meeting and called the Hubs around 8:45 to check to see how she is feeling this morning.

She was still in bed.

My daughter?  As soon as someone sets foot on the ground from the bed she is up and ready to take on the day.  She's not one to lie around unless she is not feeling well.

Hubs had already planned to take off Friday to put our kitchen back together now that our tile is finished, so he couldn't stay home with her.  I had no more meetings, so I could have taken the rest of the day off or worked from home.

When asked what her preference was - for Mommy to come home or to go to Dawny's as planned?  She picked Dawny's and my heart broke in a million pieces.

Don't get me wrong, her Dawny is fabulous. She has been a important part of Mia's life from the very beginning and I would never take that away.  They have an amazing relationship and she's family.  We are all very lucky to have her.

But that doesn't make it any easier.

Just when you think there is no one else she'd rather be with, especially on a day where she is not feeling a 100% and you are quickly reminded that today that is not the case.

It stings a little.

Moments

I'm feeling a whole lot of sappy lately, so my apologies in advance.

As I near the half way point to this pregnancy and try to overcome the guilt I have for bringing another child into this world, I've felt such a strong need to do things and plan things that are special just for Mia.  Things with just Mom, things with just Dad, things that make her feel special and important and unique to us.

I want to make sure that she understands that even though we are bringing another child into this family, it does not take away from how special she is and how important she is to me and her Daddy.

I know these feelings are normal and the guilt I feel is typical, but that doesn't necessarily make it any easier.

Yesterday afternoon was one of those "things."

I'm blessed in my job that I often get tickets for sporting events which makes my tomboy, Cardinal loving heart extremely happy.  Typically I take the Hubs or my Dad, but the Hubs couldn't adjust his work schedule and my Dad just had knee surgery, so I thought why not, I'll take the toddler.

Now for anyone who has a 2-3 year old or a toddler of any age really, you know all too well what a risk this is.  She's been to a few games in her lifetime so she knows what to expect, but with a 3:30 start and me having to pick her up from the sitter at 12:30 I went into this knowing she would not get a nap.  Ummmm, hi, just call me crazy.

I needed this.  She needed this.  We spend a lot of time together, but it's not always something outside of the ordinary.

We had an AWESOME time!  The people in our row were amazing and laughed with her as she danced to the music and screamed for our Cardinals.

We took breaks from our seats to walk around.  We had Dippin' Dots in an STL helmet, popcorn, peanuts and lemonade.  I even treated her to a Build A Bear Clydesdale at the end of the afternoon because she was just such a good girl and I'm ok with the fact that I spoil my child rotten.

She kept telling me she wanted to walk around.  She just held my hand and we laughed and talked.

At one point, she looked up to me with those big blue eyes and that adorable face and said, "Momma, I can't wait for the baby to be here."

And then I died.

We needed this moment, we needed this time together just she and I.

It was a good reminder that I need to be better about taking the time for just us so she truly knows just how special she is, but especially how special she is to me.

Have a great Thursday!

Pete And Repeat Were In a Boat

So no one really told me that kids are sneaky little nosey listeners....to everything.

You have a baby and put the buffer up a smidge and obviously as they grow a little older and start really talking and comprehending, you make that buffer a little thicker (i.e. spelling words you either don't want them to hear or know....it's almost time for B E D, we're going to go O U T S I D E after N A P).

Mia talks all day.  I'm pretty sure she's either going to be a talk show host or a lawyer cause girlfriend has some mad negotiating skills (one more Dora and theeeeen we can go brush our teeth and go to bed).

Wait a second sister, let's regroup on who is in charge around these parts.

She asks questions, a lot of them, but she also just likes to chat and she'll pick up quickly on commonly used words and phrases around the house.

Her current favorite?

"No, no, no, no, no."

Ahem.

Anywhoooo, have I mentioned she's attached to my hip.  Tweeeeeeeeeeeeeeenty four seven.

"Momma, let's talk about sumfing."


Because of our schedules, we don't have a lot of family time in the car all three of us.  She is typically just with Hubs or just with me in the car.  We have car dance parties and sing, she and Dadda sing, spell and I'm sure he bores her with talk radio as he does me.

Last week, we headed to the zoo to get a tour of the new Sea Lion Sound exhibit, which is amazing if you live in the Lou or plan to visit anytime soon, and the Hubs and I were chatting away and Mia was chiming in here and there.

She was busy in the backseat reading and I made mention to the Hubs something about my vajayge, I don't recall the exact topic or reason behind our vajayjay convo (we clearly talk about anything and all things, so sorry if TMI ), but anyway...

"Momma, what's a vajayge?" (giggle, giggle)

Ummmmmm....

Let's see.

How do I address this to a 2 1/2 (almost 3) year old?

"Oh, it's just a silly word sweetie." (as Hubs and I look at each other and immediately start laughing)

It was a quick reminder that we need to watch what we are saying around the littles.

She doesn't miss a beat.

And Now She's Manning The Door

So Mia's newest "thing" is a 6:00 am wakeup call.  Not cool on Saturday and Sundays, but during the week it's not a major deal because I'm up anyway.

Girlfriend thinks it's play time and doesn't quite understand that I have to get ready for work so I try to include her in the things I do to get ready...we brush our teeth together, get dressed, if I'm curling my hair that day she gets a few curls in her hair, etc.

But this morning....she was not having the fact that Mommy had to go to work.

She came into the bathroom, shut the door and looked straight and me and said....

"Whhhhhhhhhyyyyyy?  I don't want you to go to work.  I want you to stay home wifff meeeeeee."

We've been trying to explain (as best you can to a 2 1/2 year old) that Mommy and Daddy have to work in order for us to have the nice things that we do.  Most of the time she has no idea what we are talking about but we continue to tell her this nonetheless.

So as I trekked downstairs to get my coffee, juice, water and breakfast bar for the road, she decided that she was going to man the door so that I couldn't leave.

She used all of her might to prevent me from leaving this morning.

"Momma, hug."  "Momma, kiss."  "Momma, I need to show you sumfing."

And then...

I tried to talk her out of my way.  I told her I would only be gone a few hours.

"Momma, you comin' home after work?"

Yes Mia.

"Yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!!" (as she runs the opposite direction towards her playroom)

PS.  Except on the very rare occasion I am home right after work 95% of the time, but whatever makes her happy.  That's all that matters.

Silly monkey.

Questioning My Ability

I tweeted about this Sunday night.

After a pretty good day and an awesome 3 hour nap (Mia, not me unfortunately), we had a rough, rough night.

Mia's 2 1/2 and closer to 3 now than that 2 1/2 mark.  She knows right from wrong and she knows how to push buttons.  Managing her ability to push has been pretty easy for the most part.  Some days worse than others of course.  She's too smart for her own good sometimes, but still not smarter than her Momma.

Like every Sunday night, it was bath time, about 7:00.

She seemed off since she had woken up from her nap, wasn't sure if it was the heat of the day (we had spent the afternoon at the park) or the bitty cough/cold she had been dealing with the past few days.

After cleaning her up, as usual I let her play for about 20 minutes.

I always give her a 5 minute or 10 minute warning before I get her out.  She doesn't like to get out of the tub, she loves it in there and always has.  I know she doesn't know minutes, but learning them starts somewhere.

When it was time to get her out, she start flailing her arms, kicking her feet, splashing water all over the bathroom.  And she let our the loudest NOOOOOOOOOO, with the fullest of attitudes, that I had ever heard.  I was stern with her and told here that is not a way to talk to her Momma, or anyone for that matter. Luckily the Hubs heard the ruckus and saved me at the best time.

I took a shower while he proceeded with the rest of the bedtime routine.

I was sad or more like, Holy shit, what the fuck was that?  Who was this child?

I get it that every day is not rainbows, puffy hearts and unicorns, but last night hurt my heart.

I was emotional about it and it really had me questioning my ability to emotionally and physically handle being a mother of more than one child.

Can I really do this?

Is it too much?

Am I not cut out for this?

After my shower, I went and laid with her and we talked about why she and Mommy were both upset.  She gets most of what we talk about, I can see it in her eyes.

She didn't fall asleep easy that night.  In fact, she fell asleep just as we were going up to bed at 9:30.

Last night was challenging.  When you think you can handle anything and the balance of life feels good, then have a moment where you think you can't even handle what you are currently doing, it pulls hard on the ole' heart.

Life's tough, but I guess it's not meant to be easy.

Doin' The Potty Dance, Feelin' The Love

My girl.  My 2 1/2 year old toddler.  Is officially using the big girl potty more than a diaper.

This time it's for real.

We've been here a few times, but this time is different.

AND?

It makes me sad.

I've wanted this moment for at least six months.

AND now that it's here??

It breaks my Mom heart a little.

She's becoming a girl.

And no longer my baby.

Shit.

Where does the time go you guys?  How did we get here so fast?

I'm excited for her.  I'm excited for us.  I'm thinking about all the things I will buy us myself once we no longer have to buy diapers and wipes.

She's so proud of herself.  We are so proud of her.

I have emotions with this and I may have shed a tear or two about it.

This age is AMAZING and so much fun, but it's filled with so many emotions for me.  There is so much growth between 2 and 3 and we're only half way there.  The changes are so much more dramatic.  They become less and less of that squishy baby each and every single day, sometimes by the minute.

Everyone is right.  You know when it's time.  You will know when they are just ready.

Thanks to Dora and stickers, we've successfully filled up one potty training chart and tonight we'll go to the store to get her a present.

All filled up.  I found the chart here.

My Dad's kept a log for me on Tuesday.  So cute.  He's the best Papa. EVER.

Pretty sure this will be put in her keepsake box along with her completed charts and her "Rules."

She's requesting a bike.

Go big or go home.

That's what we say, well at least when it comes to potty training.

So that's where we are.  Happy family.  Happy home.  Everyone human here uses the potty.

A Defining Moment in Motherhood

Since she was born, the words "I love you" have been a constant.  Not just because I felt like I "had" to say it, but because I wanted to.

I always thought it would be pretty awesome to be a Mom.  I always knew I would be one.  But until you experience it for yourself, you just don't know exactly.  You just don't.

The love for a child is so very different than the love I have for the other special people in my life.  I doesn't mean I love anyone more or less, it's just a different kind of love.  Indescribable really.

She is my everything, I will do anything for her, sacrifice whatever I need to, spend as much time with her as I can, she will always know who her Momma is and at the end of each and every day she will know and feel just how much love there is.

That is my hope.  That is what I strive for in the chaos of our every day.

Lately, she has begun reciprocating that love.  She's always been a big hugger and kisser, like her Momma is.  But lately, some pretty amazing things have been happening.  She'll just randomly say, "Momma, I love you" or "Dadda, I love you."  And by far, that has been one of the single, greatest things about motherhood in my almost 2 and 1/2 year journey.

It really made me feel like I was really doing something right.

I won't be perfect and I'll make mistakes, but any Mother can tell you that moment where you see the result of what you are trying to do, it will simply take your breath away (and possibly make you break down in ugly happy tears, but I stood strong).

I just can't get enough of my girl.  So much joy, so much innocence and so much love.

And we're still pretty new around these parts.

Teenage Mia

Anyone else think a lot about what their children will be like when they are teenagers?

I do.

I also think it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm a girl mom and I know how teenage girls can be, ahem, during those "interesting" and awkward years.

I was reminded of this yet again this morning on my way into work.  Behind me was a mother and her 12ish year old daughter.  The mother, very stoic, not happy, not sad, just pretty complacent however possibly annoyed.  The daughter, on the edge of the side of her seat, as closest to the window and as far away from her mother as possible.  Head down, resting on her fist, looking all sorts of cranky, likely texting or tweeting or facebooking about all things important to a teenager at 7:00 in the morning.

It got me thinking....once again....

Those years.  What will they be like for me as a mother?  Will I drink more wine than I already do just to survive (kinding....kind of)?  Should it even be approached with the notion that it will be difficult and trying?  Isn't parenthood always difficult and trying?

We see kids grow and develop into young adults and that cycle of development and growing into a "real" human intrigues me.  The trials and tribulations and life experiences and support systems and families that create who these kids become is amazing.  For those of us who had a strong foundation and support system growing up worked out well (for most of us), but for those that struggled with family connection and that support in their day to day lives can still struggle, even as adults in finding who they are and more importantly, accepting who they are.  Seeing this first hand through some of my own personal relationships always makes me conscious of doing my best to ensure we create that support and love for Mia.  Always.

I'm an observer of people and behavior and I like to analyze.  I always have been and it has a lot to do with why I chose to work towards a undergrad and Masters degree in Education in my first life career.

I never had much of an issue with either my Mom or Dad growing up, especially in my teenie bopper years.  I'm sure I had my not so shining moments, but I've seen it in other families, I saw it with my sisters.

What will Mia be like?  What will be the name of the boy band?  What will the must have clothes be?  Will she still want to hang out with Mom?  Will she be begging for all things - cell phone, Facebook page, etc.?  Will social media still be what it is today? Will she still be attached to my leg from the moment I get home from work until the moment I tuck her into bed (likely no, but I love her "attachy" self).  How will she feel about her Daddy?

We are just about a month away from Mia officially becoming 2 and a 1/2.  How did this happen?  That was the fastest 2 and a 1/2 years of my life.  It goes so fast just like everyone says, especially once you have kids.

Maybe I think a lot about it because some days I feel like I will blink and she'll be 13.

It's just another reminder to embrace all the moments that we can because the reality is she won't be my shadow forever.

My Dad posted this on his Facebook page a few weeks ago and I loved it.