Well At Least I Can Drink Through The Teenage Years

You know when everyone tells you, especially when you ask, that 3 is tougher than 2?  Well Miss Mia proved that this past week. She tested the waters, she tested my patience and I officially broke as a Mother and as a Wife.

I tried to stay strong and hold my ground, but where I feel like I somewhat failed last week I also feel a small sense of success as well.

Baby steps through parenthood right?

Last week was rough and I will not even attempt to sugar coat that.

You know when you come home to your wife crying in one corner and your 3 year old crying in the other?  Yep.  That happened.

Friday night was one of the hardest parenting moments I have ever experienced thus far.

For the most part Mia is a very well behaved child.  We don't have to use time out very often.  We pick and choose, as her parents, what we make a big deal and what we do not.  However effective last Monday at 1:57 am, it literally is like someone told her, "hey kid...you're 3, now you can start acting like an uncontrollable spoiled brat."  That is how it felt anyway.  The whining and moaning if she does not get her way had reached a level of insanity.

Friday night while we were waiting for my Husband to come home, Mia wanted to once again help with dinner.  On the menu?  Spaghetti, at her request.  I allow her to help very little with dinner when it involves the stove, but she was obsessed with stirring the noodles and when I told her no for the 14th time (only 2nd, but it felt like 14 ok?) she pushed me.  Not once, but twice and Momma don't play that.  No ma'm.  And off to time out she went.  However she was not having it.  She was going to sit in time out and ball and cry and yell for me (like repeat Momma, Momma, Momma the entire time) for 30 minutes.  AND I AM NOT EXAGGERATING ONE SINGLE BIT.  I made several attempts to explain to her that she needed to be quiet and sit in quiet for 3 minutes. Nope that was not going to happen.  She was going to push until she made me crack.

I call the Hubs and gave him a warning about the mental status of both other family members and what he was getting ready to walk into.  Happy Friday!

I spent Friday night alone.  In my room. With the door locked. Crying into my pillow and a kleenex for most of it.  I came downstairs only a few times for snacks (still very pregnant and hungry even if I'm an emotional basket case).  Mia begged me to let her come lay with me and I knew that I had to say no.  Stand my ground and make her understand that she hurt Mommy's feelings with her behavior.

I didn't even say goodnight to her on Friday.  Just rip my heart out why don't you.

I am a communicator.  I don't like to go to bed angry.  I'm a strong believer in making up before bedtime and talking through things such as this, but with her, at this age, I thought it was better to give it more time.  Was I right?  Who knows.  My Husband agreed.  We're trying damnit.

After I knew she was asleep, I went in and kissed her forehead.  Not just once, but a few times.

I got a decent night's sleep and woke up Saturday feeling better, but still not great.  She had her first dance class and parent's could watch and I cried when she did her gallop alone across the dance floor.  Yes.  I was THAT Mom.

We had a good day both Saturday and Sunday and by yesterday I was feeling much, much better.  We had a few minor incidents, but we were able to talk her through them and avoid any massive tantrums and no time outs!

Today feels good.  I feel normal today.  I don't think I will even cry today.

Hallelujah!

Building a baby is tough work.  Building a baby and managing a toddler is no walk in the park.

As I told my Husband, at least I will be able to drink during the teenage years.  That is VERY good news for him.

Have a great week!

Mom Fail?

Mia's not feeling well and she turns 3 on Monday which means her birthday party is this Saturday.  Because of course.

When we put her to bed last night she had a low grade fever and had the chills.

I could go on and on about how lucky we have been with her.  She's rarely been sick outside of a few minor colds and one fever in her 3 years of life.

I had an early morning meeting and called the Hubs around 8:45 to check to see how she is feeling this morning.

She was still in bed.

My daughter?  As soon as someone sets foot on the ground from the bed she is up and ready to take on the day.  She's not one to lie around unless she is not feeling well.

Hubs had already planned to take off Friday to put our kitchen back together now that our tile is finished, so he couldn't stay home with her.  I had no more meetings, so I could have taken the rest of the day off or worked from home.

When asked what her preference was - for Mommy to come home or to go to Dawny's as planned?  She picked Dawny's and my heart broke in a million pieces.

Don't get me wrong, her Dawny is fabulous. She has been a important part of Mia's life from the very beginning and I would never take that away.  They have an amazing relationship and she's family.  We are all very lucky to have her.

But that doesn't make it any easier.

Just when you think there is no one else she'd rather be with, especially on a day where she is not feeling a 100% and you are quickly reminded that today that is not the case.

It stings a little.

Moments

I'm feeling a whole lot of sappy lately, so my apologies in advance.

As I near the half way point to this pregnancy and try to overcome the guilt I have for bringing another child into this world, I've felt such a strong need to do things and plan things that are special just for Mia.  Things with just Mom, things with just Dad, things that make her feel special and important and unique to us.

I want to make sure that she understands that even though we are bringing another child into this family, it does not take away from how special she is and how important she is to me and her Daddy.

I know these feelings are normal and the guilt I feel is typical, but that doesn't necessarily make it any easier.

Yesterday afternoon was one of those "things."

I'm blessed in my job that I often get tickets for sporting events which makes my tomboy, Cardinal loving heart extremely happy.  Typically I take the Hubs or my Dad, but the Hubs couldn't adjust his work schedule and my Dad just had knee surgery, so I thought why not, I'll take the toddler.

Now for anyone who has a 2-3 year old or a toddler of any age really, you know all too well what a risk this is.  She's been to a few games in her lifetime so she knows what to expect, but with a 3:30 start and me having to pick her up from the sitter at 12:30 I went into this knowing she would not get a nap.  Ummmm, hi, just call me crazy.

I needed this.  She needed this.  We spend a lot of time together, but it's not always something outside of the ordinary.

We had an AWESOME time!  The people in our row were amazing and laughed with her as she danced to the music and screamed for our Cardinals.

We took breaks from our seats to walk around.  We had Dippin' Dots in an STL helmet, popcorn, peanuts and lemonade.  I even treated her to a Build A Bear Clydesdale at the end of the afternoon because she was just such a good girl and I'm ok with the fact that I spoil my child rotten.

She kept telling me she wanted to walk around.  She just held my hand and we laughed and talked.

At one point, she looked up to me with those big blue eyes and that adorable face and said, "Momma, I can't wait for the baby to be here."

And then I died.

We needed this moment, we needed this time together just she and I.

It was a good reminder that I need to be better about taking the time for just us so she truly knows just how special she is, but especially how special she is to me.

Have a great Thursday!

Questioning My Ability

I tweeted about this Sunday night.

After a pretty good day and an awesome 3 hour nap (Mia, not me unfortunately), we had a rough, rough night.

Mia's 2 1/2 and closer to 3 now than that 2 1/2 mark.  She knows right from wrong and she knows how to push buttons.  Managing her ability to push has been pretty easy for the most part.  Some days worse than others of course.  She's too smart for her own good sometimes, but still not smarter than her Momma.

Like every Sunday night, it was bath time, about 7:00.

She seemed off since she had woken up from her nap, wasn't sure if it was the heat of the day (we had spent the afternoon at the park) or the bitty cough/cold she had been dealing with the past few days.

After cleaning her up, as usual I let her play for about 20 minutes.

I always give her a 5 minute or 10 minute warning before I get her out.  She doesn't like to get out of the tub, she loves it in there and always has.  I know she doesn't know minutes, but learning them starts somewhere.

When it was time to get her out, she start flailing her arms, kicking her feet, splashing water all over the bathroom.  And she let our the loudest NOOOOOOOOOO, with the fullest of attitudes, that I had ever heard.  I was stern with her and told here that is not a way to talk to her Momma, or anyone for that matter. Luckily the Hubs heard the ruckus and saved me at the best time.

I took a shower while he proceeded with the rest of the bedtime routine.

I was sad or more like, Holy shit, what the fuck was that?  Who was this child?

I get it that every day is not rainbows, puffy hearts and unicorns, but last night hurt my heart.

I was emotional about it and it really had me questioning my ability to emotionally and physically handle being a mother of more than one child.

Can I really do this?

Is it too much?

Am I not cut out for this?

After my shower, I went and laid with her and we talked about why she and Mommy were both upset.  She gets most of what we talk about, I can see it in her eyes.

She didn't fall asleep easy that night.  In fact, she fell asleep just as we were going up to bed at 9:30.

Last night was challenging.  When you think you can handle anything and the balance of life feels good, then have a moment where you think you can't even handle what you are currently doing, it pulls hard on the ole' heart.

Life's tough, but I guess it's not meant to be easy.

A Defining Moment in Motherhood

Since she was born, the words "I love you" have been a constant.  Not just because I felt like I "had" to say it, but because I wanted to.

I always thought it would be pretty awesome to be a Mom.  I always knew I would be one.  But until you experience it for yourself, you just don't know exactly.  You just don't.

The love for a child is so very different than the love I have for the other special people in my life.  I doesn't mean I love anyone more or less, it's just a different kind of love.  Indescribable really.

She is my everything, I will do anything for her, sacrifice whatever I need to, spend as much time with her as I can, she will always know who her Momma is and at the end of each and every day she will know and feel just how much love there is.

That is my hope.  That is what I strive for in the chaos of our every day.

Lately, she has begun reciprocating that love.  She's always been a big hugger and kisser, like her Momma is.  But lately, some pretty amazing things have been happening.  She'll just randomly say, "Momma, I love you" or "Dadda, I love you."  And by far, that has been one of the single, greatest things about motherhood in my almost 2 and 1/2 year journey.

It really made me feel like I was really doing something right.

I won't be perfect and I'll make mistakes, but any Mother can tell you that moment where you see the result of what you are trying to do, it will simply take your breath away (and possibly make you break down in ugly happy tears, but I stood strong).

I just can't get enough of my girl.  So much joy, so much innocence and so much love.

And we're still pretty new around these parts.

Teenage Mia

Anyone else think a lot about what their children will be like when they are teenagers?

I do.

I also think it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm a girl mom and I know how teenage girls can be, ahem, during those "interesting" and awkward years.

I was reminded of this yet again this morning on my way into work.  Behind me was a mother and her 12ish year old daughter.  The mother, very stoic, not happy, not sad, just pretty complacent however possibly annoyed.  The daughter, on the edge of the side of her seat, as closest to the window and as far away from her mother as possible.  Head down, resting on her fist, looking all sorts of cranky, likely texting or tweeting or facebooking about all things important to a teenager at 7:00 in the morning.

It got me thinking....once again....

Those years.  What will they be like for me as a mother?  Will I drink more wine than I already do just to survive (kinding....kind of)?  Should it even be approached with the notion that it will be difficult and trying?  Isn't parenthood always difficult and trying?

We see kids grow and develop into young adults and that cycle of development and growing into a "real" human intrigues me.  The trials and tribulations and life experiences and support systems and families that create who these kids become is amazing.  For those of us who had a strong foundation and support system growing up worked out well (for most of us), but for those that struggled with family connection and that support in their day to day lives can still struggle, even as adults in finding who they are and more importantly, accepting who they are.  Seeing this first hand through some of my own personal relationships always makes me conscious of doing my best to ensure we create that support and love for Mia.  Always.

I'm an observer of people and behavior and I like to analyze.  I always have been and it has a lot to do with why I chose to work towards a undergrad and Masters degree in Education in my first life career.

I never had much of an issue with either my Mom or Dad growing up, especially in my teenie bopper years.  I'm sure I had my not so shining moments, but I've seen it in other families, I saw it with my sisters.

What will Mia be like?  What will be the name of the boy band?  What will the must have clothes be?  Will she still want to hang out with Mom?  Will she be begging for all things - cell phone, Facebook page, etc.?  Will social media still be what it is today? Will she still be attached to my leg from the moment I get home from work until the moment I tuck her into bed (likely no, but I love her "attachy" self).  How will she feel about her Daddy?

We are just about a month away from Mia officially becoming 2 and a 1/2.  How did this happen?  That was the fastest 2 and a 1/2 years of my life.  It goes so fast just like everyone says, especially once you have kids.

Maybe I think a lot about it because some days I feel like I will blink and she'll be 13.

It's just another reminder to embrace all the moments that we can because the reality is she won't be my shadow forever.

My Dad posted this on his Facebook page a few weeks ago and I loved it.