Does Everything Happen For A Reason?

I told myself that I wouldn't do this, but for whatever reason I'm been thinking more and more about it every day.

If you've been following along for a while, you'll know that the relationship that I have with my MIL is not the "greatest."

She showed her true colors right after we bought our current home and shit really hit the fan around Mia's first birthday and since then I've made the decision to just keep her out of my life.

The Hubs still sees her and Mia does on occasion, but I have not seen her for 8+ months.

Just recently the Hubs and I have been talking about the lack of relationship that we have with his side of the family and that it has been weighing on both of us.

My Hubs is a pretty stressed out person.  Running his own small business is a constant 24/7 operation and requires a lot of time, energy and detail.  Throw in me, Mia, yard work and life, the man goes all day, every day, almost 6 days a week most weeks out of the year.  He really doesn't need anything else to add to his level of anxiety and I know the situation with his mother does NOT help.

We do a ton with my family and see them on the regular.  His family, not so much.  Everything with them has to be an event and nothing could just be on a whim.  Whim is fun sometimes!

I had a long talk with my Mom last week when she and I took Mia to CFA for dinner before her swimming lessons.  My Mom and her MIL (my Dad's Mom, my Grandma) weren't real "tight" either so I knew she would be a good one to ask and talk through this with.  I had explained to her that I'm just at a place where I need to move forward, move past my feelings and try to make things better.  She encouraged me to do that.

I haven't seen my SIL, BIL, my nieces or my MIL or FIL in a long time...

and then came Sunday.

Hubs and I decided that nothing says Happy Sunday like a pretty awesome salad from Olive Garden.  I don't know what it is about that salad, but it's deelish.  We aren't chain restaurant eaters (ok except CFA and Red Robin), but every couple of years we crave their salad and breadsticks.  Weird.  So off we went, as Mia and I were returning from our second trip to the bano since arriving, guess who was walking in to eat.  You guessed it - my MIL and FIL.  Anyway, my MIL giggled her uncomfortable I don't know what else to do giggle to get through our brief conversation.  It was awkward, but I started to think that there are higher somethings pushing us together to try to heal this relationship and make this family better and more united.  Maybe? Maybe not?  But shit like that doesn't just happen.

I'm one of those that believes strongly in the fact that everything happens for a reason and this is proof of why I do.

This Sunday the Hubs parents are having a BBQ and we're invited.  Initially, as usual, I was just going to stay home, but I have decided to go.

Sunday I plan to say something to my MIL because as much as she thinks time heals all wounds and that there is no reason to discuss the past, some of the things she said and did are not things I can just "brush off."

So I'm going to keep it light and keep it quick, but I want her to know that I'm ready to move on and start anew.

After all, there are kids involved and at the end of the day I don't want to have any regrets so I will try to heal our relationship.  I will try to be the bigger person.

Only time will tell.

Happy Monday!

Questioning My Ability

I tweeted about this Sunday night.

After a pretty good day and an awesome 3 hour nap (Mia, not me unfortunately), we had a rough, rough night.

Mia's 2 1/2 and closer to 3 now than that 2 1/2 mark.  She knows right from wrong and she knows how to push buttons.  Managing her ability to push has been pretty easy for the most part.  Some days worse than others of course.  She's too smart for her own good sometimes, but still not smarter than her Momma.

Like every Sunday night, it was bath time, about 7:00.

She seemed off since she had woken up from her nap, wasn't sure if it was the heat of the day (we had spent the afternoon at the park) or the bitty cough/cold she had been dealing with the past few days.

After cleaning her up, as usual I let her play for about 20 minutes.

I always give her a 5 minute or 10 minute warning before I get her out.  She doesn't like to get out of the tub, she loves it in there and always has.  I know she doesn't know minutes, but learning them starts somewhere.

When it was time to get her out, she start flailing her arms, kicking her feet, splashing water all over the bathroom.  And she let our the loudest NOOOOOOOOOO, with the fullest of attitudes, that I had ever heard.  I was stern with her and told here that is not a way to talk to her Momma, or anyone for that matter. Luckily the Hubs heard the ruckus and saved me at the best time.

I took a shower while he proceeded with the rest of the bedtime routine.

I was sad or more like, Holy shit, what the fuck was that?  Who was this child?

I get it that every day is not rainbows, puffy hearts and unicorns, but last night hurt my heart.

I was emotional about it and it really had me questioning my ability to emotionally and physically handle being a mother of more than one child.

Can I really do this?

Is it too much?

Am I not cut out for this?

After my shower, I went and laid with her and we talked about why she and Mommy were both upset.  She gets most of what we talk about, I can see it in her eyes.

She didn't fall asleep easy that night.  In fact, she fell asleep just as we were going up to bed at 9:30.

Last night was challenging.  When you think you can handle anything and the balance of life feels good, then have a moment where you think you can't even handle what you are currently doing, it pulls hard on the ole' heart.

Life's tough, but I guess it's not meant to be easy.