Friday, September 16, 2011

Play Nice Ladies

I've been contemplating this topic for quite some time.  How to write about it and avoid pissing making anyone angry, but it's time.  I need some word vomit action, so here.you.go.

This past weekend during my vodka induced girly talk at the casino, one of the women I was with assumed something.  Her assumption was hurtful.  It really, really was.  It takes a lot to break this girl, but if you judge me because of how I choose to raise my daughter then you've officially pissed me off.  Assuming I stayed home, she made a comment, "they just don't get it."  Speaking of women who leave their children to a job every day.  And breathe....

In the era of women, powerful, strong women, there is a whole lotta judgement going on.  Why?  Why is it that women, as a sex, are not more supportive of one another?  This is not a competition, nor should it be.  Your successes should be your successes.  You deserve the credit you earn.  We shouldn't strive to be better than one another.  I see a lot of this in the Working Mom versus the Stay At Home Mom.  Who's really working the hardest?  Are you freakin' kidding me??  Listen folks, I get it.  I do.  I understand that there are days that Working Mommas wish they could be home with their kids and I also understand that there are days that SAHM's long for some adult conversation and time away from home.  I get it.  I do.  But let's not judge.  I don't judge you because you stay at home and get to be with your child more than I get to be with mine, so don't judge me for deciding to keep my career and be a Mom.  I don't judge you because you don't have children, so don't judge me or try to understand me because I do.  I used to be bitter.  I used to be mad.  I still have my moments of weakness; I will never claim to be perfect.

But now, just a month and a half from Mia's 2nd birthday, I've learned.  I've learned a lot.  I've come a long way since those first few months back at work where I felt like a piece of shit because I was not home with my daughter.  I've come a long way from those days of guilt.  I've learned that there is a balance in life, no matter which route you take.  At every stage of life there is another lesson to be learned.  Always.  Is the grass always greener, I think so.  I won't lie.  But in all honesty, do we really know if we don't walk those shoes?  There are so many factors into the decisions that each and every individual makes in regards to raising their children and living their life.  That is THEIR choice.  Not ours.  Not ours to pass judgement on.

As a mother, just trying to build my career into something successful and something I can look back on and be proud of, I have a girl to raise.  A beautiful, smart and fragile girl to raise, in a very crazy world.  She's a sponge.  She's taking in every word and action around her.

Women are strong beings.  Women are foundations of families.  The judgement that continues to grow is only going to prevent our children from being who they want to be because they are concerned with one thing...and that's what others will think.  Aaaaahhhh.  No.  That is not how it should be.  We want our kids to dream big and we should want to support them every step of the way.  Let them learn for themselves, decide for themselves and form their own opinions.  Are we here as their guides, absolutely.  Are we here to pour the foundation, 100%.

So I just ask, for me and for Mia, be nice.  Play nice.  And support each other.  I don't care what you do for a living, whether you have a child, don't have a child, stay at home or go to a job everyday.  I just ask that you offer something positive to the world.  Promote positive actions and support, especially to the women in and out of your life, each other.  Whether it be someone you interact with on a daily basis, a blogger you follow, a random women in a store or whatever.  Give them a smile, pay them a compliment, contribute to filling their happy bucket.  Because after all we don't need any bucket dippers (in the words of my niece as she told me about what she is learning in 1st grade).

4 comments:

the workaholic momma said...

Oh my gosh...this may be the best blog post I have ever read...I nodded through this whole post!!!

You could not be more right...as a working momma I totally get the feelings of guilt but I don't have the choice to stay home but respect those who do.

Happy Friday!!

Melissa at Tall Blonde said...

THANK YOU! I really appreciate it. It's been at my fingertips for quite sometime, but this past weekend pushed me to write about it. Have a great weekend!

April Westerhold said...

Glad you posted this and got it out there Like I said Saturday night, I wish that women could just support each other no matter what decision they make or, in a lot of cases, no matter what decision is made for them. Being a woman, wife, mother is HARD WORK no matter if you do it at home or at an outside location.

I wrote about this a while back from a SAHM perspective. I feel like I constantly have to justify staying at home and that people sometimes think that means I am uneducated or how could I possibly choose to do that? You can read it here: http://westerhold.blogspot.com/2010/03/just-mom.html

Have fun at Balloon Glow tonight! I can't wait.

april

Melissa at Tall Blonde said...

Thanks April! I can't wait to read it! Thanks for sharing!