Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Dr. Google

So after the weirdness that was Sunday and Monday, I googled early signs of labor to death yesterday.  You don't just have an emotional and hormonal breakdown at 37 weeks pregnant for no reason right. Right?

I've convinced myself that yes indeed I am well on my way.

Am I really?  Who knows?  It's right up there with convincing yourself that you're pregnant based on every website and everyone else's symptoms (OMG, me too!!)

Regardless I have two weeks left, max.  This is a whole new ball game for me since I didn't experience these symptoms with Mia.  I had blood pressure issues and that was my primary focus throughout the end of my pregnancy with her.

Either way I'm content.  I'm as ready as I'll be.  I've come to terms with that.  Mia will be just fine.

Do I have the matching Big Sis/Lil Sis shirts, not yet.  Do I have Mia's gift from her sister, nope, not yet.  Do I have all my new comfies I ordered during Old Navy's sale last week.  Nope. (but they've shipped...bonus).

Did I document this pregnancy as I had envisioned?  No, definitely not.

But do I feel like I've done a pretty damn good job with my first born up to this point?  Do I feel like I can handle this Mom of Two thing.  Absolutely.

We, as women, as mothers, are often quick to judge others, but most importantly ourselves.  There is no script.  There is no magic formula.  All there is us.  Our support system.  Our friends and our families.

I've said it a million times and likely I'll say it a million more.  Am I perfect?  No.  Do I know what I'm doing each and every day?  No.  Do I sometimes feel like I'm doing it all wrong?  Without a doubt.  Does my daughter feel loved each and every single day?  You bet. But do I do the best that I can each and every (well, let's be honest almost every) day.  Yes.

That's all I can ask of myself.

Happy Hump Day!

Monday, February 25, 2013

The Unknown

Today marks 37 weeks, 3 days into this pregnancy.

Yesterday I had an emotional breakdown.

There is a fear of the unknown in all walks of life, in all new adventures, in everything that we encounter.

I was induced with Mia.  As far as this pregnancy is concerned all things are leading towards the fact that I will go into labor on my own unless I go beyond 40 weeks.

Last night, I had a moment.

A moment, while Mia slept next to me, where I thought, wow, this could be the last night I have just Mia.  And that is when I lost it.  I just couldn't calm myself down.  I was so taken over by emotion.

I just needed a hug, so I climbed out of bed and went downstairs and after my Husband figured out that I was ok and that I wasn't needing a ride to the hospital we talked about it.  I did feel better and had a decent night's sleep, but holy cow was I a basket case.

That fear of the unknown for me as we embark on these last few weeks or days of this pregnancy scares me more than anything.  The balance of two children, two full time working parents, my job while I'm away, my home, my life.  Making sure everyone is ok and taken care of. What will it be like.  How will we transition.  Most importantly, how will Mia do.

In time, I know everything will be fine.  We are a strong, close and supportive family, but until that time comes and I know for certain I will just do my best to embrace this time with Mia, embrace this time with our little family of three and prepare for meeting our newest daughter whenever that time shall come.

Life is a rollercoaster, one climb at a time.

Have a great week!