When we met we had both just gotten out of long relationships.
When we met we weren't looking for anything permanent.
When we met, at a bar (ahem), we weren't looking for anything more than conversation and a little fun.
When we met, we didn't realize that our first date would lead to so much more.
When we dated, we didn't realize that two years later we would be engaged.
When we got married, we didn't realize we would have children. Someone was content with being a kidless bachelor for the rest of his life (again, ahem)
When we had one child, we weren't sure we would have another.
And then we did.
And she's amazing and the perfect addition to our family.
We felt content. We felt whole.
Four is a nice round number. One kid per parent. Perfect.
And then the summer came and went (I know technically it's not over, but when the pools close it is to me) and I turned 35 and yesterday my baby started preschool.
And then we started talking. A conversation that was started by my Husband who as you may recall thought he would be a kidless bachelor the rest of his life.
Maybe one more?
We have goals for ourselves and our family outside of our work. We want to travel, explore, see new things and do some things for ourselves. Bask in the glory of life instead of working our life away.
Another child could hinder those goals. Because kids are expensive and day care is expensive and selfishly, we want to create a life for our two children we have now that will create memories forever. When you have two full time working parents, one of which works six days a week, family together time is extremely limited. Each and every week of each and every month of each and every year.
Mia asked me Saturday why her Daddy had to work so much. It's hard to explain to a 3 year old that Daddy runs his own business and therefore is on "duty" all the time. I told my Husband. I didn't want to but I knew I needed to.
All of these thoughts and emotions sparked a conversation for beyond two hours last night.
And as selfishly as it may seem, and as wonderful as it would be to bring another blessing into our family, we determined it's time to focus on some of the things we've been striving for in the past ten years of our relationship.
Let's do some things for us. Let's focus more on our family and spending time together.
Because damn it, we work really hard and deserve to spoil ourselves.
There should be no shame or selfishness in that.