Like most everyone else, a new year brings new goals and new resolutions, a list(s) of things that I would like to accomplish and complete.
Every year I do it. Most years I don't complete near what I was hoping or wishing for.
Last year was the fastest year of my life.
I truly, really truly, feel like I blinked and it was over.
I barely remember Marlow as a baby. I've completely sucked at documenting much of anything. I feel like a horrible mother because of it, but I know that "stuff" doesn't matter.
I barely remember what we did over the summer.
I barely remember anything outside of our routine...work, school, pick up children, drop off children, cook, clean, laundry, dance/gymnastics, repeat.
And that is really sad. Breaks my heart when I really think about it.
I'm losing my sense of presence. My sense of presence for my family, but more importantly for myself.
"They" say, each year goes faster than the last and "they" were NOT kidding.
I literally feel like I blinked and I have a 10 month old "baby." Whothewha?
So this year, if I accomplish anything it is that I will be present. I will be better at doing things, outside of the monotonous schedule. I will go for long walks, I will play in the rain, do things on a whim, not freak out if the bathrooms aren't clean and the playroom isn't picked up. I will rest when my children rest. That shouldn't just apply when they are newborns. I will schedule dates with my husband, I will schedule time for myself, I will schedule fun things to do with my children.
I had lunch with a tenant of mine last Friday. She's a female and a VP in her company and I respect her very much. She was very complimentary of me in my job in real estate, but also of me in my job as a mother. I've been thinking a lot about our conversation this weekend. I can be better in my job as a mother. My life is a circus, but you know what? Eventually that circus will be filled with an quiet, empty house and two girls going out into the world spreading their wings and not having as much time for Mom. They will eventually not run to me first thing and squeeze me so tight each and every morning.
Life is so quick, but it doesn't mean that it can't be just a bit more meaningful.
So I will do my best to make it just that.