Monday, June 25, 2012

Does Everything Happen For A Reason?

I told myself that I wouldn't do this, but for whatever reason I'm been thinking more and more about it every day.

If you've been following along for a while, you'll know that the relationship that I have with my MIL is not the "greatest."

She showed her true colors right after we bought our current home and shit really hit the fan around Mia's first birthday and since then I've made the decision to just keep her out of my life.

The Hubs still sees her and Mia does on occasion, but I have not seen her for 8+ months.

Just recently the Hubs and I have been talking about the lack of relationship that we have with his side of the family and that it has been weighing on both of us.

My Hubs is a pretty stressed out person.  Running his own small business is a constant 24/7 operation and requires a lot of time, energy and detail.  Throw in me, Mia, yard work and life, the man goes all day, every day, almost 6 days a week most weeks out of the year.  He really doesn't need anything else to add to his level of anxiety and I know the situation with his mother does NOT help.

We do a ton with my family and see them on the regular.  His family, not so much.  Everything with them has to be an event and nothing could just be on a whim.  Whim is fun sometimes!

I had a long talk with my Mom last week when she and I took Mia to CFA for dinner before her swimming lessons.  My Mom and her MIL (my Dad's Mom, my Grandma) weren't real "tight" either so I knew she would be a good one to ask and talk through this with.  I had explained to her that I'm just at a place where I need to move forward, move past my feelings and try to make things better.  She encouraged me to do that.

I haven't seen my SIL, BIL, my nieces or my MIL or FIL in a long time...

and then came Sunday.

Hubs and I decided that nothing says Happy Sunday like a pretty awesome salad from Olive Garden.  I don't know what it is about that salad, but it's deelish.  We aren't chain restaurant eaters (ok except CFA and Red Robin), but every couple of years we crave their salad and breadsticks.  Weird.  So off we went, as Mia and I were returning from our second trip to the bano since arriving, guess who was walking in to eat.  You guessed it - my MIL and FIL.  Anyway, my MIL giggled her uncomfortable I don't know what else to do giggle to get through our brief conversation.  It was awkward, but I started to think that there are higher somethings pushing us together to try to heal this relationship and make this family better and more united.  Maybe? Maybe not?  But shit like that doesn't just happen.

I'm one of those that believes strongly in the fact that everything happens for a reason and this is proof of why I do.

This Sunday the Hubs parents are having a BBQ and we're invited.  Initially, as usual, I was just going to stay home, but I have decided to go.

Sunday I plan to say something to my MIL because as much as she thinks time heals all wounds and that there is no reason to discuss the past, some of the things she said and did are not things I can just "brush off."

So I'm going to keep it light and keep it quick, but I want her to know that I'm ready to move on and start anew.

After all, there are kids involved and at the end of the day I don't want to have any regrets so I will try to heal our relationship.  I will try to be the bigger person.

Only time will tell.

Happy Monday!


Mrs EyeCanSee said...

Good for you for trying to be the better person. And for sticking up for yourself. Hopefully your MIL is receptive to what you have to say and you can both move forward.

You may never be BFFs....but for the sake of family, you can hope to at least be able to be in the same room. :)

Good luck this weekend!

Heather @ Cookies For Breakfast said...

I'm impressed all around - impressed at your honesty and ability to avoid your MIL because of the past, and your plan to have a talk with her. I'd probably get suckered into going to visits, etc. just because I'd be too scared to say no - and, I'd probably brush the whole thing under the rug rather than confronting the issue via a conversation so, I admire you!

I do believe everything happens for a reason - life has proven that to me many, many times. Hope you'll do an update post on how the chat goes and what happens with your relationship with her!

Shannon said...

I'm sorry you have a tough relationship with your inlaws, I know that's hard. I get along great with my inlaws however my brother's wife has made things VERY difficult over the past 9 years and I haven't seen my nieces in over a year b/c of it. I definitely recommend talking to them and trying to work it out for Mia's sake.

Vanessa Miller said...

Wow this sounds exactly like the same situation I'm in. I mean exactly. Husband has small business, doesn't get along with his family, we spend a lot of time with my family. I don't know if I have the kind of strenth you do but I wish you luck in healing your relationship because I know it is a huge burden on the heart.

Brandy said...

Let us know how it goes!!

momFITtingitallin said...

Ahhh. The troubles of inlaws. I am happily married to a guy that is simple, easy and loving BUT oh his family OMG. His parents are divorced so that means I have 2 MIL, 2FIL, 3SIL, 2BIL and then their spouses. I tried so hard to be "in the family" and maybe I tried to hard feelings got hot, things were said and it seems no MATTER what I say or do I am the *itch. I believe in talking and communicating so I asked questions and told my feelings when they like to sweep it under the rug. So I have learned to stay neutral with his family. I say Hi, I say hello but I don't give my opinion.
WOW I just revealed alot! hehe bottom line is I understand you and I wish you the best!

Jillian said...

Good for you! I think that sometimes a MIL relationship is beyond difficult. I like mine I just don't agree with her parenting style at all! So that limits the time she gets to spen with our kids , which I always feel guilty about. Praying that you have a good talk with her and everything goes okay!

SEL said...

I hope everything went well! You're being the bigger person. Be proud of yourself!