Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Yesterday

Yesterday was a challenging day for me.

I went to bed mad, upset, sad on Monday night and Tuesday woke up the same.

My life balance is a struggle.

Some days I feel like I really have it all together and others I feel like I just plain can't figure it all out.

I put a lot of pressure on myself personally and professionally.

I want to be a great Mom.  I want Mia to know that I did everything I could to make sure she was cared for and at the end of each and every single day never questioned whether or not I loved her.

I want her to hear it every single day and multiple times at that.


Pressure weighs heavy on my heart.  Very heavy.

I'm not one to relax often.  I live a life on the go. Always.

Motherhood is no joke.

And some days...

I just feel like a shitty Mom.

I work 8+ hours a day and am often gone before Mia is up.

I work out 3-4 times a weeks, so that means I see her for about an hour or two, if I'm lucky, on those days.

My struggles have been weakening my ability to stay strong.

Yesterday about broke me.

It was one of those days where I was on the verge of tears for most of it and I just wasn't sure I would make it through without totally collapsing emotionally and physically.

I feel better today.

But I'm not afraid to admit that some days are tougher then others.

I'm not perfect.

I will never claim to be.

I know at the end of the day, all of my sacrifices are worth it to make a better life for Mia.

After all, she is all that matters.

The love I hold in my heart for that little girl is not something I need to justify or explain to anyone.

She knows it and I know it and to me that's all that counts.


5 comments:

Kristen at First Name Smith said...

Im so sorry. I know all too well what all this feels like. Here if you ever want to talk. Any time.

Lindsey said...

That was me yesterday afternoon. I had a to do list a mile long. Not for myself but for my bosses. Connor had to be picked up by 3:30 so the sitter could go to an appointment. I call Adam at work.. gone for the day. Must be nice! I had to leave school, pick him up, run some errands. I get home, and Adam is weeding the f*ing garden. We don't need to plant until May, and that was his #1 priority? Don't even get me started on what he did this morning.

SEL said...

Oh friend. Your post is so raw and honest, and beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.

Hubs just said to me last night that he doesn't want to go with me to the gym when I do my 3 hr running sessions because that's the only time he gets to see M, because he's at work otherwise. I totally understand what you're saying.

But you're right, you're doing this all for Mia. And that makes you a fantastic person AND mother.

Life is always about balance, and you have it. We all have our "off" days. We're allowed those. :)

Jamie said...

It is so hard, as Moms, to find the balance. I am home w my daughter 100% of every single day. I feel unbalanced because I dont get any time away from her. I dont think we will ever really be fully satisfied.

Emily said...

When I feel like a bad mom, I try to remember that, what matters in the end, is not quantity, but quality. Five minutes of quality time together with your daughter may be worth more than anything.